I use to love the Suze Orman show. People would call in and ask their money questions and she would answer them. Today I’m going to be like Suze Orman, the black version of course, who likes the change her hair up all the time and listen to J.Cole, just call me Young O (Kidding I still go by Candice Marie).
Today I’m going to answer someone’s email publicly of course I will keep him or her anonymous. I believe that many people have the same situation as the reader and so I wanted to help multiple people at once. If you have a question you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Here we go:
“Candice, Id like to change my relationship with money. It’s a commodity, well I feel like it. But when I get more, I’m frivolous with it. I’d like to be more disciplined and careful about my spending. I live in the unknown a lot, until it’s too late. And even knowing some ways I can change that. It’s still difficult.“
The land of the unknown isn’t a very fun place to be, but I use to live there as well. I use to swipe without doing the math, spend without planning, and live as if everything were fine. Weekends came and whatever was in my account was up for grabs. Like a dog without a leash, I was free to roam and boy did it feel good.
Until I’d check my account on Monday morning, I was living in a façade. On the outside it looked like I had it, but my bank account was like – nah girl, we need to talk. I was drowning in debt, and the only lifeguard that could rescue me was myself.
I had to change my relationship with money if I wanted to change my situation.
It sounds easy, but it’s not. Just like any bad relationship it can be hard to change and your money isn’t any different. You’re comfortable with how you live your life right now. It’s all you know. It’s all you’ve been taught. It’s all your parents have showed you.
The key is you have to want it bad enough.
Many of us are telling ourselves that we want to change our situation with our money, but we’re only dipping our toes in the water.
No you need to jump in, I don’t care if you don’t want to get your hair wet. GET IN THE WATER. Lol
You know what the definition of frivolous is? Let’s ask our good old trusted friend Google.
not having any serious purpose or value.
carefree and not serious.
Many of use are treating our money like a dog without a leash, letting it run free and wondering why we don’t have any?
You are the person who is holding the leash. You are the person who is steering your money. Your parents aren’t steering your leash, your friends aren’t steering your leash, your significant other isn’t steering your leash. It’s you holding the leash. You are in control of your money.
“If you can point out your problem, then you can fix it. ” Patricia Ivette
We can no longer afford to be care free or not serious about our money. We need to give it purpose and value and not play the blame game as if we aren’t the one’s holding the remote to our own lives.
Speaking of remotes, it’s kind of like watching trashy TV. You know you should change the channel, but you don’t. One time I stopped on a Maury episode: “Help me, my baby is obese”
“On today’s show we are going to meet the world’s biggest babies you’ve ever seen. They eat what they want. The mother’s on this show are on their last resort. “ Maury would say.
Then strolls out the 114 pound three-year-old. The mother would be in tears. “Please help Maury I’ve tried everything, I want to change my babies life, but all they want to eat is pancakes, cheeseburgers, pizza and cereal.” The mother wails.
Meanwhile you’re sitting at home watching like “WELL STOP FEEDING YOUR CHILD PANCAKES, CHEESEBURGERS, PIZZA AND CEREAL! YOU ARE IN CONTROL. YOU HAVE TAUGHT YOUR CHILD TO EAT THESE KINDS OF FOODS. YOUR BABY DIDN’T COME OUT THE WOMB SCREAMING DOMINOS.”
How many times are we going to keep repeating the same stories to ourselves? Keep telling ourselves we want change, yet not changing. Keep placing the blame into everyone else’s hand except our own?
I watched this Ted talk last week and Adam Baker talked about how we must figure out what does freedom mean to you? Think about that for a minute. What does freedom mean to you? Is it being debt free, is it taking more vacations?, is it starting your own business?, Is it building an emergency fund? Is it buying a house? It’s important to figure out what freedom means to you so that you can start putting your money towards your freedom.
Here’s some tips that have helped me be more disciplined with my money:
Figure out what freedom means to you.
Figure out how much you make each month after taxes.
What bills must get paid each month?
What items or experiences that you just can’t live without each month? (getting your hair done, nails, dinner with friends?) Figure out how much money you need for these must haves.
Choose an amount of money to save & invest.
Choose one goal that is going to help you reach your freedom. And put the rest of your money towards that goal. Just one, remember it’s easier to attack one goal at a time. Instead of trying to drop drips of money into 7 buckets, pour a whole bucket over one. Then move on to the next.
To the reader who wrote me I want to let you know that you are very capable of changing your relationship with your money. Will it be easy? Probably not, the easy route is crowded. You weren’t built for the easy route. Building new habits take time, but once you get the hang of it and start giving your money a purpose it will become harder to cheat on your goals.
Every time you spend money on things you have no business spending your money on you are only cheating yourself. No more living in the unknown, it’s time to live in the land of purpose it’s never too late. I believe you in you, you got this!